I just reached that point with 2016. I felt slow and tired and I ached for Christmas and the promise of New Year. I could feel myself slipping back into that unhealthy mindset I used to get into whenever I tried to lose weight in the past. That ‘All-or-Nothing-I-was-really-good-yesterday-but-then-today-I-ate-one-cookie-so-might-as-well-write-off-this-week-finish-the-whole-pack-and-try-again-on-Monday” mentality.
I felt heavy as I sat down to my two year old unopened Etsy shop. I scoffed at the half listed Robins I had left there, alone and forgotten. Their sculpt had a kind of charming naivety, back when I was newly-wed to Fimo Soft, a lifetime before my passionate love affair with Super Sculpey. They reminded me of simpler times, and of Christmas.
I sighed and began playing with my ring absent mindedly. It’s so loose on me now – I come close to losing it every time I wash my hands or shake volumetric flasks at work.
In the end the weight came off with very little effort. I had become tired of the lingering uneasiness. Tired and slow, and eventually just frustrated. I just reached that point. It had just been such a long time, that for me the transition was easy. It felt natural, like I was finally making progress, finally putting myself first.
I didn’t choose veganism for the weight loss, in fact I had stopped worrying about what I ate at all. That’s not to say I don’t care about what I eat – I am aware of my nutritional intake, of how healthy or unhealthy something is – it just doesn’t worry me. That “I-was-really-good-yesterday-and-it-honestly-doesn’t-matter-if-I-ate-a-whole-chocolate-bar-today-beause-I-feel-at-peace-with-my-overall-dietry-choices” mentality.
I scratched through the top draw of my wardrobe and fished out the six brown paper boxes I kept my most recent work in. It was time to cure myself of this Stockless Syndrome. Yes – I am busy, and I am tired, and I don’t sit down to sculpt nearly so often as I would like to. Yes, my work isn’t as good as those artists I follow on Instagram – but none of these were good enough reasons to write the rest of this turbulent year off and perpetually start again.
So I did it. I took photos, worked out shipping costs, made a logo, wrote some listing information, and I set up Monomers with a starting point of six little creatures. Seven as of today. I’m not worried about my low stock count – I know can always list more, I’m not worried about my artistic skill compared to someone else’s – I’m not charging a premium for my work anyway, I’m not even worried about selling anything right now. I’m just happy to be making and sharing with others what brings me peace. I’ve had enough of worrying. I’ve just reached that point.